we are the same person in two bodies.
we have the exact same minds.
we are two halves of one whole.
i sincerly love you.


i said girl you've got a lovely face and eyes that shine like the morning sky, far away. on the coast of the ocean wide, lips as elegant as wine. i would love to hold your hand, walk threw hell and back again, just to prove that i can. i said girl you've got a lot of nerve to be here with me, but i'm glad to see that you are. your kiss is the finest wine that my scared lips have ever tried. and if in time you lose your site, then i'll describe every sun rise.

I Cant Get Over How I'm Feeling Right Now.
this Boy In My Life Has Become One Of My Best Friends.
he Makes Me Forget Everything Bad Thats Going On In My Life.
he Tells Me He Wishes He Could Make My Life Better.
but He Does.
just Being Around Him Makes It Better.
being Around Him Makes Me Forget About How Bad Ryan Hurt Me.

dang.

And Your The Sun.

I seriously can't even get over how pathetic human nature is.
Well, not human nature, but the nature of pre-teen and teenage girls and boys.
I see them sit back and take so much for granted.
And I seriously want to explode.
Or, better yet, I want them to explode.
Explode and expose what's on the inside, so people could see the tar.
The black, sticky, disgusting, tar.
There is a prize sitting right in front of you,
and your too stuborn to grasp it.
Your all too stuborn to even want it. 

Cody Thompson's Funeral: Saturday, January 12, 2008. 3:30 p.m. At the cemetary in Apple Valley on Waalew Road.

Bohdi Potter's Funeral: Sunday, January 13, 2008. 3:00 p.m. At the cemetary in Apple Valley on Waalew Road.

(18 East to Central, Left (North) to Waalew (stop sign) Right all the way down to the base of the Hill. On the Left. Immediately afterwards, both families are going to the Clubhouse in SilverLakes for the Celebration of their lives)

That is the only way to describe what happened on January 5, 2007.
Two people I cared very dearly for were taken away from me, and not in a conventional way.
Cody Thompson and Bodhi Potter were murdered early Saturday morning.
It's one thing to lose your friends by an act of fate, but murder isn't fate, it's evil.
Cody was 18 and Bodhi was 16.
That's seriously not enough time on this earth.
And I feel so..... empty.
I was supposed to be there.
A bunch of people were supposed to be there and i'm positive everyone who was,
feels like they could have helped if they had stayed.
But at the same time, I know there's nothing we could have done.
Instead there would just be more corpses.

And I just keep thinking, it could have been anyone who was out there the night before,
or the morning of. And THAT scares me more than anything.

And I keep thinking about my friends who found the bodies.
I think about my bestfriends face and reaction when he shined the light on Cody and saw his face.

And from being so close with the people who found them and the people who were questioned,
I know more than I'd like to know about the situation.
I know more than anyone should have to know.
I have this horrible mental picture, and no one should have to live with that.
No one should have to replay over and over in their head, in detail, what happened to their friends.

I can't even cry, and I definately can't feel any sense of peace or closer.
Because, the details. The severity.


The way they were killed were way too brootal and gruesome for it to have just been a random murder.
It was personal, it was passionate, whoever did this to them took there time and enjoyed it.
I can feel that, I can sense that, but I can't understand that.

Why Bodhi, why Cody?
And why in the world did they have to go the way they did.
Not just being murdered, but the way they were murdered.

Bodhi and Cody were two of the nicest and most accepting people i've ever met,
It just doesn't make sense to me that anyone would want to do this.

I love you Cody Thompson and Bodhi Potter.

December 31, 2007-January 1, 2008

I seriously felt God.
I started restoring my life last night.
I started with Ryan.

                   A few hours of conversation..
                            We didn't talk about a lot, but at the same time we
                   talked about everything. I felt a lot lift off my shoulders and I
              seriously felt so much.
                                                 I felt so amazing.
                         It felt so comfortable, like it use to. It felt
                                     like we were bestfriend again. It felt like 2006.

          There's no one in the world that understands me the way he does.
                   There is no one in the world who knows me the way he does.
                         There is just no one else in the world quite like him............


Church, Martha's husband was preaching at the alter.
          He was talking about restoration, and I told Ryan I thought he should rededicate his life to God.
      That I thought it might do him some good.
                      Who knew what could happen next.
                                                                                                             When the time came for everyone
                                                                                                 to walk up front, he did stand, I was really proud
                                                                                           of him. And even more shocked when he grabbed my
                                                                                     hand and had me go up there with him.
                                                             I could feel we were better.
                            I could feel that just maybe, I might have gotten my friend back.

"I thought you might want to be up here too."
       He leaned in and whispered in my ear as we stood before the alter.
It was powerful.
                                                             Then to my suprise, Krissy, Taylor and Cookie followed us up.
                                                    We all joined hands and rededicated our life to the lord.
    I have never in my life felt so close to my friends.
                                                                                                    2008 will be my year.

it's the most miserable feeling in the world to find out
you've lost a good friend for good. a friend you held so
dear will never be your friend again. my life isnt pleasing
right now.

Night before last, my goodness.
I hope God ignored December 27.
He probably wouldn't have been too happy with what he witnessed.
An endless array of words we wouldn't dare say at church and bodies grinding.
Sweat and breath, complete carnage candy.
I wanted to taste of the monster.

Whenever I tried to decline,
you grabbed my hips and pulled me into you.
I wont try and fool you, I declined because I liked it too much.

My goodness.
What a night.

Tomorrow will be the first day Ryan and I see eachother since he decided he needed some "time".
How nerve wracking.
We aren't even trying to see eachother, but he's going to be with Taylor.
Cookie and I want to see Taylor.
Taylor will be on the way to Hollywood.
He will be there.

Oh, what a world.